1/3 Fat 1/3 Bone 1/3 Chicken

Traveling in China is never what you expect it to be. That is unless you expect the unexpected, and anticipate being shoved around. For my Easter break I went to Guangzhou and Guilin with some friends. Originally we had a group of five. I returned to Hong Kong with one other person. The following is our tale.

Being the travel agent that I am, I planned out our trip to the very last detail. Flights, hotels, trains, etc. Yet before we even left Hong Kong we were down a man as my best friend Marine broke her ribs while ‘hiking.’ Needless to say I was disappointed, but we pressed on anyways.

I knew things were getting worse when my friend David threw up at customs on the Chinese border. It was literally THE worst timing ever. Immigration checked him out and somehow let him into China. To get to Guangzhou we had to transfer trains in Shenzhen, and it was as though half of China was trying to go through one turn-style. It was crowded, pushy, loud and overall a terribly run train station. Ok maybe it was well run, but the Chinese’ ability to form lines is rivaled only by their ability to drive and parallel park.

In Guangzhou we wandered around the city seeing some temples, old foreigner residence, and mosques. It was interesting, but rainy and not terribly impressive. The one sight that DID leave me bewildered was an old church. Inside it was filled with black people. FILLED. I have seen perhaps a dozen black people in mainland China, so this gathering had me absolutely puzzled. Our best guess (since obvi its awk to ask someone why all dem black folk be in there) is that they were Nigerian immigrants who rip up their passports to stay in China.

Anyways, we lost another man the next day. We saw some more temples, a big pagoda, and some other random sights. The one that stuck out most was the Sun Yat-Sen memorial. The huge hall is colorfully painted on the outside, and the grounds are well kept. As though this wasn’t great enough, we met some kids from Germany in the hall. I had a little conversation with them and promptly came to a startling realization. Three years after one year of German in high school I was able to carry on a basic conversation. Yet after a semester of intensive Chinese I was barely able to communicate the number of drinks we wanted at dinner. I’ll resist the urge to rant about this, and simply state that Chinese is incredibly hard.

At this point it was time for our overnight train to Guilin. My friend David (the one who yaked at immigration) went back to Hong Kong feeling ill, and we were down to three.

Our train left from the older Guangzhou train station, or the seventh layer of hell as it should probably be called. To start there are several thousand Chinese people trying to get into the station at all times, and they all enter through about three entrances with metal detectors and tiny doors. People were screaming pushing like it was the national pastime (which I believe it to be), and right when I was getting near the entrance a woman in uniform started screaming into a megaphone directly at me from about 4 feet away.

Once I was in the station a whole host of other not so pleasant experiences followed. We thankfully found some open seats at our gate, and with about an hour before our train I wandered around. The concept of trash-cans technically exists in this station because they are indeed there. But, no one had emptied them in such a long time that they were essentially mountains of trash. The trash was EVERYWHERE. Banana peels, KFC chicken bones, wrappers, drinks, the liquid from the drinks (at least I pray it was from the drinks), and all sorts of trash were thrown about all over the place.

I had to pee so I tried to use the bathroom. Bad idea. All the stalls were simply holes in the ground, and people were squatting. I know they were squatting because the doors were wide open. Gross. The urinals weren’t much better. They were filled with Chinese people and their bags of luggage and crap they sold. I couldn’t get near them, and decided it was a better idea to just wait it out. I should also mention that the bathroom is filled with chain smokers.

Finally we waded through another mass of people to our train. The three of us had a cabin to ourselves (since we had five beds reserved). There was no power, and the TV didn’t work so we chatted and watched the countryside go by until we went for dinner.

The dining car was interesting. It was filled with average Chinese people, and an odd fat man who didn’t seem to want to wear his shirt. Not something you want to see next to the kitchen. While the selection on the menu was impressive, it was overshadowed by the fact that only two options were actually available. I had the eggs, and my friends had the chicken and rice. I would later realize how bad the eggs were as I felt like shit for the next two days. The chicken was one third fat, one third bone and a final third of chicken. Fortunately beer was in abundant supply, and it made everything go a little bit easier.

Back in our room we watched an awesome Russian action movie called Day Watch that confused everyone but made me happy. We finally went to sleep for a few hours before our 7 am arrival. While this might not sound like a great Easter break trip things were about to change in Guilin.

To Be Continued…

P.S. While wandering around Guangzhou we stumbled upon a bunch of kids at some sort of clown-college. They were all holding a string and using it to fling a plastic toy into the air. I was never close to being as cool as these kids were when I was a child. But it was a perfect example of the little awesome things that one stumbles upon all the time when traveling in China.

P.S.S. While I do complain a lot about things that are to be expected, I was equally surprised by some of the modern characteristics of Guangzhou. For instance, the metro was incredibly modern and well run. My hotel also offered free internet, which was nice to have. Especially since the English movie channel offered such mega hits as ‘Step Up 2: The Streets.’