A Heart Two Sizes Two Small

Few things bore me to the extent that sports on television do. While actually playing them is slightly more interesting, and going to a game cane be quite fun (given the right drink selection) I am poor excuse for any kind of a sports fan. That being said, last weekend I discovered a sport that absolutely captivated me.

The Hong Kong Rugby Sevens tournament took place last weekend amidst much fanfare and celebration. Having never seen rugby, my interest was only mildly piqued. But everyone (especially my French best friend) seemed to be going ape shit crazy over it so I figured I would watch a match. It was AMAZING.

Rugby 7s are like American football minus all the boring parts. I know this is crazy treason talk to most Americans but hear me out. The game consists of two seven minute halves, they were no padding, the game is in almost continuous play (which makes it very fluid), the score can change vastly in literally a few seconds, and rather than having teams from such exotic cities like Cleveland and Detroit the teams come from places like Fiji, New Zealand, Wales and Russia. The players are built like tanks, and we all agreed that of all the sports players out there we would least like to pick a fight with a rugby player.

Samoa eventually won the tournament, but I was happy with every game I watched. HK also won a top spot over Russia, and the city went wild over it (at least on TV they did). A great side effect of the tournament is that the bars were filled with an even more international crowd than usual. While I liked this a lot, a few people from my program got into a bar brawl with some Europeans. Such is the life of Americans abroad.

In my opinion getting a haircut in Hong Kong is just as scary as bungee jumping. Much like jumping the scariest part is right before its over, and you are trying to rationalize your decision. Several people have gotten butchered here, and if you have ever met me then you know how disconcerting this would be to me. So I wearily made my way to the salon that was recommended to me, and thought of my beloved stylist Lauren back home who is one three people I have let cut my hair more than once in my life.

Much to my relief the place was really nice, I got coffee, and the guy who did my hair was so attendant to my head that I think he cut my hair one strand at a time. It was not the same as the US, but considering where I am I was thrilled that I didn’t look like an Asian nerd (aka like 90% of everyone here). Unfortunately my roommate did not take my advice to go there, and he ended up on the hilarious side of funny looking.

In other news, my life has been pretty boring since Thailand. I’ve mostly been doing work, planning the rest of my semester, and trying to budget myself for two more months of travel, eating, and all the other essentials. On a very bad note I lost my Blackberry. Needless to say I was devastated and extremely pissed off. Fortunately my awesome parents are sending me a new one. I cannot convey how awesome parents are. I hear people crying and yelling at people back home, and I really don’t understand how you can get so upset with your family at a time when you are half way around the world from them.

P.S. I feel that I should at least mention some observations I have made about the people I have seen studying abroad. They have both confirmed and shattered many of my expectations of a group of American’s studying abroad. On the one hand I have seen a lot of good things. There are people here who are very committed to their studies, who are open to pretty much any experience and who exhibit considerable self control. On the other end of the spectrum even I have been shocked by people here. So far people have been arrested for trying to buy weed, ended up in the hospital from their bar brawls and fist fights, bones have been broken by drunk people falling down, people have ended serious long relationships to get a little action here (both paid and unpaid), and rather than not pay attention in class people just don’t show up at all. The disregard for all sense of self-control and courtesy towards others is admittedly something I expected, but still shocks me at times.

While I am admittedly far from being a saint myself, I can proudly say that I have not been arrested, in a fight, or broken any bones… yet. I put in a decent amount of effort into my classes, and don’t have much of a problem getting to class. I say this not to judge, but merely to convey what I have seen here. It is really like college on drunken steroids.

P.S.S. Hong Kong people are awkward. I have never seen a group of people who are so awkward (and I’ve met some pretty hard core Jesus lovers). I won’t go into the reasoning behind this, because I could write an entire essay on my pet theories. I will just give one example that happened the other day.

On the metro a woman wheeled a man in a wheelchair onto the train. The man was obviously in some sort of vegetative state, and had no control over what was happening to him (as evidenced by the gross bag his catheter emptied into on the side of his chair). While usually this is only moderately funny to the assholes of the world, something that you would only see in HK made me almost lose it. The woman had put a furry smiling panda hat on the poor guy, and the floppy whit ears were connected under his head. No one on the train seemed to see anything amusing about this. I on the other hand (having the two sizes two small Grinch sized heart that I do), had to use every once of self-control I had not to burst out laughing. It was so unexpected and awkward that I couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably to myself over the poor guy. Call me a horrible ass hole if you want, but just try and picture this in your head and see if you don’t at least crack a grin.

P.S.S.S. For those of you who enjoy the poor English translations to be found abroad, check out this sticker that is on every cross walk button for the blind. I mean, don’t they already have it hard enough being visually impaired?

Photographs Finally!

So I finally got around to getting my pictures online. It covers everything I have done so far. Hopefully it will explain some things I didn't explain well :)

http://tomshodgepodgepictures.shutterfly.com/

One Small Step For White Man, One Giant Leap for France

I have spent several St. Patrick’s days abroad. I did not think I could find a place that would care less about the holiday/be as boring as Brussels. Then it happened in Hong Kong. Apparently I was the only one in the city who enjoyed a few Irish Coffees in the morning and a glass or two of Jamesons in the afternoon. Partypoopers. At any rate, I bounced through the metal detectors at HK International on that fine day of holy drinking in honor of St. Pat to go to Thailand.

The government had been on the verge of collapse for a few days since the red shirt-wearing farmers stormed the streets of Bangkok. Fortunately we were headed south to Phuket and a place called Krabi. While I am disappointed that we didn’t go to Bangkok I’m sure I’ll make it there someday.

The drive to Krabi from Phuket took us through some beautiful scenery. In short mountains are everywhere and shoot straight up from the ground. I won’t bore you with the details of how that came about, but just know it was pretty. Remember the island Scaramanga’s lair was on in The Man With the Golden Gun? Yeah, it was near our hotel. WIN. Unfortunately I couldn’t convince our group to go there ☹

Our first day was pretty uneventful. We went to the beach, saw the surrounding mountains, and had some great Thai food. My biggest shock was realizing how much of a Muslim population there is in the south of Thailand. I heard the call to prayer several times, and saw numerous mosques. This also helped explain the giant ‘Fuck Israel’ graffiti we saw at the beach.

We took a touristy tour the next day, and it was a reminder of how intensely white I am. We canoed down a river to some caves, and poked around there. It was pretty except for the fact that I was disgustingly covered in sunscreen and bug spray the whole time, which didn’t mix well with me sweating profusely. But, after our day of grossness we DID have some excellent Thai food.

Despite the grossness that covered my body for pretty much the whole trip, we did do some cool things. For instance, we rode elephants. I was terrified I would fall off into a river at first, but eventually I got to drive the beast and got some pretty awesome pictures.

We also got Thai massages. I guess its something you HAVE to do in Thailand, and it took a bit of convincing me to partake (I’m weird and don’t generally like massages). It was interesting. And by interesting I mean painful and awkward. All the women were laughing at us and making fun of us in Thai. I suppose that was because of how obviously not flexible and tickelish we were. At any rate I was in pain for most of it (thumbs digging in the back = ow), and was slightly annoyed that we couldn’t at least try to enjoy it in silence.

The one thing I absolutely had to do on the trip was see some Thai temples and shrines. To that end we went to the Tiger Cave Temple. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, but there were some cool Buddhas and shrines around the mountain and in the caves. The coolest part was the epic stairs that seemed to go straight up the mountain that afforded beautiful views. I hoped that I would be ok with their heights after my bungee jump…. I wasn’t. That fear of heights is here to stay.

On our last day I went out early with some friends to try and see the type of architecture that we thought was a temple (or at least some cool kind of building). Our cab took us towards the beach until we pointed him to the cool looking building. He then looked confused and asked us if we wanted to ask about a rate. Turns out it was a hotel, and we are idiots. But it was still the type of Thai architecture that I had in my mind, and I was satisfied to see it.

The two best experiences of the trip were without a doubt Thai boxing, and Thai pancakes. The boxing was awesome for a number of reasons. First, there are nine matches at each event. And the first/last two are little kids. I mean like eight year olds kneeing and beating the hell out of one another. I felt horrible watching, until I saw all the screaming Thai people. It was in that moment that I realized why I studied abroad in Asia and not Europe.

The rest of the fights were filled with Thais who literally kneed, kicked and punched each in the face and sides until the other one got knocked out. One guy had to be dragged out of the ring. Win. Our favorite fight was a French guy vs. a Thai. It seemed like the Thai was gonna beat the hell out of him until Frenchie pulled a reverse roundhouse kick to the face. It all happened in a mere second, and it was awesome. My French friend was super proud, and we all were amazed that France actually won a fight.

The Thai pancakes happened after chilling on a sandbar with two friends collecting seashells and swimming (and by swimming I mean floating and avoiding touching the muddy crab filled bottom cuz these beaches were not the white sand beauties I had expected). They were essentially crepes, but were made on a stove on the side of a motorcycle. Mine had egg, tuna, onion and was topped with ketchup. It was the best thing I ate the whole trip, and I was severely disappointed when we couldn’t get more the next day due to miscommunication on when we were leaving.

Overall it was a nice vacation. I am definitely glad I got to see that part of the world, but was happy to return to Hong Kong (seriously I need cooler weather and clouds).

P.S. If you ever see Singha beer give it a try. I’m not a huge fan of beer, but the Thai brew isn’t bad.

P.S.S. Thai massages cost about 6 USD in Thailand. If you are ever there spend 12 USD to make it better. Spend six on a few drinks before, and six on the massage. At the very least you’ll feel less pain and might actually be able to laugh at your pain/awkwardness.

Video Proof I'm Stupid

http://vimeo.com/10199833

I Do and Say Things I Probably Shouldn’t

There are two ‘Special Administrative Regions’ in China, Hong Kong and Macau. As the Las Vegas of Asia, Macau occupies little more than 11 square miles and has a population of about a half a million. I spent a weekend there with some friends and thoroughly enjoyed just about every moment of it.

I hopped on an early ferry with my friend Amanda to start the weekend off by conquering one of my fears, heights. Macau Tower prides itself as having the ‘worlds highest bungee jump’ at 233 meters, and I was on a mission to take the plunge. Predictably I got more and more freaked out as I got closer and closer, and by the time I purchased my non-refundable ticket I knew I was making a dumb ass decision.

I hate heights. HATE them. I don’t even like the feeling of being on a ladder. So when I got to the top of Macau Tower and looked though the glass floor I seriously questioned why I even bother going to college because I am CLEARLY too stupid to live. As those of you who know me are aware, I have a tendency to do and say things I probably shouldn’t. And this was no exception to that.

The process of jumping is terrifying. First, you sign a few forms acknowledging that you are retarded and could die. Then they put you in a harness that doesn’t seem like enough, yet is so ‘snug’ in ‘certain areas’ that you can barely walk. Next, you wait for about 20 minutes as other people take the plunge. They place rockin’ dance music the whole time, so (like most memorable moments in my life) I distracted myself from the fear by dancin’ it out. Finally, you are allowed outside where they wrap your ankles with a strap.

When you jump your main point of connection with the bungee cord is at the ankles, yet in order to not get lowered head first after the jump you have to lean up and yank a strap the changes your point of connection to your chest harness. You must do this in midair, and I did not like that at all. Once I was reassured that no one had ever died there I made my way to the platform.

Standing on the edge is without a doubt the worst part. As you get closer the cord attached to your ankles starts pulling more and more, and when you are at the very edge the ass holes that make money off this make you look at a camera and wave. Seriously they can go to hell. Standing on the edge of a tower thinking about my impending impact with the pavement is NOT when I want to take a damn picture.

Anyways, in a very Christ like way you spread your arms out and listen to them countdown. You must fall forward yourself, and that little voice in your head that says ‘maybe this is a bad idea’ is now screaming ‘THIS IS A REALLY STUPID IDEA DUMBASS!’ You accelerate for a second or two before hitting your terminal velocity and then just fall at a constant pace. I cannot remember a time when I felt so exhilarated and alive. When you start to oscillate back up it doesn’t hurt at all, and I mostly kept looking down wanting to be on terra firma. I guess the best way to put it is that bungee jumping goes against every logical bone in your body, and I really want to do it again.

After my jump of insanity I met up with the rest of my friends at the Venetian hotel (like the one in Vegas). The hotel was your typical huge casino, and we all had a wild night of gambling, bubble baths, Fat Burger, looking classy, and sipping drinks. We might have ended up walking around outside and through the casino floor in bathrobes, but it was Macau and we were white. Who’s gonna stop us?

The next day we somehow managed to get out of bed, and toured around the city seeing the sights. Macau was the home of the Portuguese merchants in China for hundreds of years (until the handover in 1999), and was the gateway to the important trading town of Canton (now Guangzhou). Around the city are some cool reminders of the colonial past, as well as the glittery casinos of today’s economy. The highlights are as follows…

The Grand Lisboa. The casino/hotel is the most recognizable in Macau, and is shaped like a pineapple. Golden awesomeness on the outside, and 70s disco dance club on the inside. It was obvi my favorite building (who doesn’t like pineapple?).

The Ruinas de Sao Paulo. It’s a façade of an old church that has long since crumbled away. I had never seen anything like it, and it was only marginally more awesome than the spiced fried chicken at the bottom of the hill it sits on.

The Largo do Senado. The name translates to the Loyal Senate, and remembers the Portuguese senate in Macau that refused to recognize Spain’s dominance during their occupation of the Iberian Peninsula during the 16th Century. Its basically a street and square with a cool pattern that is surrounded with bright colonial era buildings.

OK enough rambling of places and history. An amusing note is a plea from Macau’s mayor during the mid 90s to increase tourism when the gangs and triads ruled the city. His note was basically that Macau is very safe for tourists. The assassins are so good that their bullets never miss!

The city can basically be seen in a weekend, and I would go back in a heartbeat if given the chance. Everything from the modern casinos to the colonial building lined streets was a pleasure to experience. Of course, I would only go back if I could bungee jump again! I still cannot reconcile the fear I have of it and my urge to do it again. Logic apparently doesn’t happen with me.

P.S. As I type this I am watching a Chinese News program that is showing footage of the unrest in Thailand. Apparently the government is being overthrown or something. Whatever. Since I leave for the country in two days I’ll probably have to figure out what the big deal is. Anyways, I’ll write something about it when I get back.

Like A BBQ Sauce, Tabasco, Vodka, Celery Lovechild

Outdoorsy is not a word many (or anyone) would use to describe me. As my parents like to tell me ‘Tommy was built for comfort, NOT for speed.’ Usually this is 100% true. The availability of air conditioning, comfy furniture and everything electronic are all directly related to a person’s happiness and comfort as far as I’m concerned. Yet, here in Hong Kong the mountainous terrain has drawn me out of my comfort cave.

Anyone with the ability to walk should go hiking in Hong Kong. The city is essentially built around a mountainous series of islands, and the experience is well worth it. I bought myself a book titled The Serious Hiker’s Guide to Hong Kong, which lists four major trails totaling nearly 300 km in length.

In two days I did about 30 km of trails. The first day was a nice, but relatively tame and uneventful walk with some people around The Peak on Hong Kong Island. The next day was a bit different. I started out on my own with the intention of getting some serious hiking done alone, and moving at the intense pace I travel at on my own.

I soon realized that hiking away from The Peak means a lot less people, pavement and signs. All together I managed about 20 km over about four hours. It doesn’t seem like much, but the trails are confusing and repeatedly go from peak to sea level. I can’t describe how disgustingly sweaty I was during this hike. Every rational part of my being was screaming to stop, go home, turn on the AC and make a fruity drink. Instead I pressed on, and I’m glad I did.

Hiking around the hills of the city reminds you at every turn of the contradictions and juxtapositions that make up the city. While my normal mindset and surroundings are more in tune with the themes of Sex and the City, hiking alone though forests and cliffs for a few hours had me feeling closer to Thoreau’s Walden. Between the butterflies, hawks, trees and that smell of the outdoors I was sure it was the most outdoorsy I had been in several years. It was a transcendentalist’s dream. Despite my general grossness it was a great day, and hopefully my lazy ass will get as much done as possible before my time here is up.

Beyond hiking I have no unifying theme to talk about, but I have had a few cool moments to share. The other day a good friend from home took me out with some people to try some cool bars. We first went to a place where I ordered a BLT (like the sandwich) which had bacon infused vodka. Bacon and vodka are two of my favorite things, but much like George Bush and grammatically correct sentences the two just don’t go together. It was like BBQ sauce, Tabasco, vodka and a stick of celery all birthing one horrible lovechild in my mouth. I gave it to a Chinese girl who actually liked it in exchange for a Mojito.

After a period of free drinks (since it was ladies night) we left, and I ‘accidentally forgot’ to pay for my shitty drink. Ooops. We then went to my favorite bar, which is, of course, a Russian bar where you wear fur coats and hang out in a walk in freezer. There we met some SUPER creepy Cathay Pacific pilots who bought us all shots (because just buying for the girls would have been awkward). Long story short, they were creepy and one of them kept me at the bar buying me weird shots until after the bar closed. I managed to escape his creepiness, and had a relatively uneventful night after that.

A few days ago I discovered an area of international restaurants. I had been living on a diet of very cheap Cantonese food and McD’s before this, so needless to say I was in heaven. Cantonese food can be good, but it is generally a combination of steamed meats/seafood and rice/noodles without much (if any) seasoning. Thus, I was in desperate need of something with flavor. Taco Loco and a Greek restaurant came to the rescue. You don’t really realize how much Quesadillas, Tabasco, Souvlaki and Hummus can lift your spirits until they are taken away from you for a few months. I saw Lebanese, Russian, Ukrainian, Turkish, American and Italian foods, which gave me a certain peace of mind for my future here.

I have also begun an awesome collection of posters I see on the street as advertisements. No one is going to stop a white boy taking something like a poster here, so I consequentially have the coolest room EVER. Everything from the Chippendale’s world tour, to some Chinese Obama spin off politician are showcased in my room.

My program also organized a cooking lesson. For a few dollars I learned how to make spring rolls and actually made some steamed dumplings. I felt very domestic, and was proud of my awkward looking treats.

Last, but not least, I found Planet Earth online. Holy fucking Christ was that a great find. I don’t know why I never bothered to look there for it, but I now feel like one of those annoying Jesus lovers who shove their gospel in your face at every turn. So if you are reading this WATCH PLANET EARTH. Needless to say I have gotten a few people hooked.

P.S. I would not be true to myself if I didn’t talk about the not so pleasant times I have had here. The honeymoon period with this city is definitely over. I have gotten sick of the food, annoyed with people, tired of the language and missed home. I suppose that is to be expected as the natural progression of living anywhere, and I’m glad to have experienced the city like this. Fortunately I was able to fall back on previous experiences of getting pissed off at everything in my surroundings, and remembered that its really better if you just take life one day at a time. Realizing that there is nothing you can do to change the vast majority of things that surround you, and simply accepting that it is what it is is something that I hope to remember for the rest of my life. I am fully convinced that the process of living in any new setting is loving it, then hating everything and then getting over it and learning to deal with it. Anyways, enough peace love and harmony hippie bullshit, just remember to watch Planet Earth.

P.S.S. I just finished midterms. I can honestly say I did more work, and learned more in the past week than I have all semester. Studying abroad is awesome for a lot of reasons, but one of the big ones is that most classes can be passed by simply studying for a few hours the night before. Seriously, I don’t know why the rest of the world is so much smarted than America if this is any indication of how their classes are.