One Small Step For White Man, One Giant Leap for France

I have spent several St. Patrick’s days abroad. I did not think I could find a place that would care less about the holiday/be as boring as Brussels. Then it happened in Hong Kong. Apparently I was the only one in the city who enjoyed a few Irish Coffees in the morning and a glass or two of Jamesons in the afternoon. Partypoopers. At any rate, I bounced through the metal detectors at HK International on that fine day of holy drinking in honor of St. Pat to go to Thailand.

The government had been on the verge of collapse for a few days since the red shirt-wearing farmers stormed the streets of Bangkok. Fortunately we were headed south to Phuket and a place called Krabi. While I am disappointed that we didn’t go to Bangkok I’m sure I’ll make it there someday.

The drive to Krabi from Phuket took us through some beautiful scenery. In short mountains are everywhere and shoot straight up from the ground. I won’t bore you with the details of how that came about, but just know it was pretty. Remember the island Scaramanga’s lair was on in The Man With the Golden Gun? Yeah, it was near our hotel. WIN. Unfortunately I couldn’t convince our group to go there ☹

Our first day was pretty uneventful. We went to the beach, saw the surrounding mountains, and had some great Thai food. My biggest shock was realizing how much of a Muslim population there is in the south of Thailand. I heard the call to prayer several times, and saw numerous mosques. This also helped explain the giant ‘Fuck Israel’ graffiti we saw at the beach.

We took a touristy tour the next day, and it was a reminder of how intensely white I am. We canoed down a river to some caves, and poked around there. It was pretty except for the fact that I was disgustingly covered in sunscreen and bug spray the whole time, which didn’t mix well with me sweating profusely. But, after our day of grossness we DID have some excellent Thai food.

Despite the grossness that covered my body for pretty much the whole trip, we did do some cool things. For instance, we rode elephants. I was terrified I would fall off into a river at first, but eventually I got to drive the beast and got some pretty awesome pictures.

We also got Thai massages. I guess its something you HAVE to do in Thailand, and it took a bit of convincing me to partake (I’m weird and don’t generally like massages). It was interesting. And by interesting I mean painful and awkward. All the women were laughing at us and making fun of us in Thai. I suppose that was because of how obviously not flexible and tickelish we were. At any rate I was in pain for most of it (thumbs digging in the back = ow), and was slightly annoyed that we couldn’t at least try to enjoy it in silence.

The one thing I absolutely had to do on the trip was see some Thai temples and shrines. To that end we went to the Tiger Cave Temple. It wasn’t exactly what I expected, but there were some cool Buddhas and shrines around the mountain and in the caves. The coolest part was the epic stairs that seemed to go straight up the mountain that afforded beautiful views. I hoped that I would be ok with their heights after my bungee jump…. I wasn’t. That fear of heights is here to stay.

On our last day I went out early with some friends to try and see the type of architecture that we thought was a temple (or at least some cool kind of building). Our cab took us towards the beach until we pointed him to the cool looking building. He then looked confused and asked us if we wanted to ask about a rate. Turns out it was a hotel, and we are idiots. But it was still the type of Thai architecture that I had in my mind, and I was satisfied to see it.

The two best experiences of the trip were without a doubt Thai boxing, and Thai pancakes. The boxing was awesome for a number of reasons. First, there are nine matches at each event. And the first/last two are little kids. I mean like eight year olds kneeing and beating the hell out of one another. I felt horrible watching, until I saw all the screaming Thai people. It was in that moment that I realized why I studied abroad in Asia and not Europe.

The rest of the fights were filled with Thais who literally kneed, kicked and punched each in the face and sides until the other one got knocked out. One guy had to be dragged out of the ring. Win. Our favorite fight was a French guy vs. a Thai. It seemed like the Thai was gonna beat the hell out of him until Frenchie pulled a reverse roundhouse kick to the face. It all happened in a mere second, and it was awesome. My French friend was super proud, and we all were amazed that France actually won a fight.

The Thai pancakes happened after chilling on a sandbar with two friends collecting seashells and swimming (and by swimming I mean floating and avoiding touching the muddy crab filled bottom cuz these beaches were not the white sand beauties I had expected). They were essentially crepes, but were made on a stove on the side of a motorcycle. Mine had egg, tuna, onion and was topped with ketchup. It was the best thing I ate the whole trip, and I was severely disappointed when we couldn’t get more the next day due to miscommunication on when we were leaving.

Overall it was a nice vacation. I am definitely glad I got to see that part of the world, but was happy to return to Hong Kong (seriously I need cooler weather and clouds).

P.S. If you ever see Singha beer give it a try. I’m not a huge fan of beer, but the Thai brew isn’t bad.

P.S.S. Thai massages cost about 6 USD in Thailand. If you are ever there spend 12 USD to make it better. Spend six on a few drinks before, and six on the massage. At the very least you’ll feel less pain and might actually be able to laugh at your pain/awkwardness.