I Meant a Falling Down Drunk Party, Not the Communist Party

Beijing is a welcome breath of modernity to any traveler seeing most of China. Thanks to the Olympics, and the Party’s efforts to give its commie image a facelift the city has lots of English, and all the modern buses, lights, Mc D’s and urban essentials that are found in cities all over the developed world. Yet this is also the seat of power in the PRC, and wandering around you damn well know it.

Tiananmen Square was our first stop. With images of tanks, soldiers, and our BFFL Mao in my mind I was disappointed with the square. Our guide didn’t help the situation at all as he spent the bus ride there explaining to us the Soviet influence on Tiananmen, and how the architecture took its cues from Red Square (my favorite place ever). Tiananmen is enormous, and the sheer scale of the place is undoubtedly impressive. Yet this vast expanse of open space has the effect of making the surrounding buildings seem very small in comparison. This feeling is made worse by the hoards of tourists (which I suppose is to be expected but I’m gonna bitch about it anyways), the gray overcast sky, and the guards that weren’t nearly as intense and badass as I had hoped. For reasons I will explain later, my opinion on the Square was radically changed the following day.

From the Square, the next logical place to go is the Forbidden City. This epic complex DID impress me. You walk through a series of huge buildings and courtyards, and eventually reach the living quarters of the Emperor. It is easy to imagine the power that must have radiated from its former inhabitants. Yet, amidst the wonder of this world famous complex it is impossible to escape the reminders of what period you are actually living in. I saw some ‘squatting’ in the City. And I was never able to escape the constant bitching of people who didn’t understand why there were so many stairs, and just wanted to know how close we were to leaving.

The food in Beijing is, as I’ve taken to calling it, derishush. Peking Duck, while being difficult to assemble, is a wonderful tradition that I could eat every day. Even at sketchy restaurants where I wasn’t sure what I ordered I was always stuffed. But, I noticed that I was constantly dehydrated, and strangely craved a drink that wasn’t carbonated. Since the tap water in China is much like sewage the only water you can drink must be boiled or bought, and since bottled water is always sold next to pop my American addicted self drank way too much Coke.

Our lecture series in Beijing was fascinating. Among my favorites were a reporter from Reuters, a very snobby architect, and a guy from Brooklyn who spoke on Chinese culture (or rather how its going down the shitter). It is very interesting to hear about issues from the Chinese’ perspective. Think about Copenhagen for example. The Western media loves to yell about how China was uncooperative at the climate talks, and the way in which China refused to agree to the terms that the West had reasonably proposed. In reality China was pretty cooperative with a lot of what was proposed, BUT the Chinese absolutely refuse to allow inspectors into the country to monitor how much the country is living up to the agreement. I’m sure this has, to some extent, to do with China’s inability to meet some of the standards due to corruption, outdated equipment, etc. But, the Chinese also adamantly refuse to allow foreigners to meddle in their internal affairs (China generally does not get involved in other nation’s internal affairs as well). Stretching back to China’s humiliating experience with foreign powers following the Opium Wars the country has been treated like absolute shit by the outside world. With their newfound power the Party is saying ‘no more.’ The sense I got from being in Beijing is that the Chinese will do what they want, when they want, how they want and anyone who thinks that they will stand for a foreign power dictating their policies is dead wrong.

Not all of our lectures were great. A Chinese economics professor spoke to us, and it was one of the driest lectures in bad English that I have ever heard. We were, however, amused by his extreme flamboyance that had me on the verge of yelling ‘Hey girl hey. Tone it down diva.’

At the end of his lecture we were divided into groups, and given a local student to talk to. I felt like a waste of life after talking to our student. She first gave us the run down on how Chinese education works. Basically they go to school all day long, go home, study, sleep, and do it all over again. These people are INTENSE about their education, and the parents act as whip-masters to ensure their child does well in school. I know I’m over simplifying it, but for the sake of time that’s the general picture.

Our questions to this poor girl did little to help my feeling of lazy worthlessness. Our group’s main focus (and something that we couldn’t quite seem to get our minds around) was how Chinese students live without Facebook and the consumption of large amounts of alcohol on a semi-daily basis. She told us that they really just study all the time, and that she didn’t understand how/why we lived that way. In her mind a ‘party’ consisted of food, the attendance of an administrator or someone in charge, and a speech. I was tempted to clarify that I meant a ‘falling down drunk’ party, and not the Communist party but I couldn’t quite bring myself to say it.

After hearing about how students in China lead their lives like brainy saints, we all subconsciously decided to embrace our sinful ways by going out clubbing. Going clubbing in Beijing is fantastic (if you’re into that kinda thing), and while I am kinda over the novelty of it back home I was pumped for our night.

Like any night out, it began with cheap booze. And by cheap I mean 25-cent beer cheap. My inner alcoholic was in heaven, but was yet again outshined by my inner Jew. After power housing a few of those we cabbed it to a huge club filled with shiny people and our group dancing/being inappropriate. As the debauchery dragged on I finally got to that awesome drunken stage where I think I can fluently speak 3-4 languages, and I ramble on about random tangents that make approximately zero sense. At this point a few of us tried to leave, and ended up wandering around this epic dance palace for God only knows how long looking for my friend’s coat. Failing at that, we eventually made our way back to hotel. Since none of us spoke Chinese I’m not entirely sure how we managed the cab ride, but we must have gotten home cuz I woke up in my bed.

Long story short, I am amazed by fact that Chinese students aren’t party crazy drunks with all their cheap alcohol and epic clubs. On top of that, they are (like everyone else in this country) skinny as hell, yet still seem to shovel down as much food as any morbidly obese American I know. Maybe its healthier here. Or maybe they are just throwing up in the bathroom. I don’t know. But its fun as hell to watch.

P.S. In this world there are three kinds of people. People who like coffee, people prefer tea, and everyone else. In China everyone likes tea. EVERYONE. Every time I sat down at a lecture, restaurant, plane ride, etc. I was served with some sort of tea. As a coffee/coke kinda guy it took some getting used to. I mean how exactly am I supposed to go from caffeinated, stomach destroying, sugar filled goodness to water with leaves? I’m sure its much healthier for you, but like all things that are healthier than what I eat the taste is subpar. Snapple anyone? Despite my bitching I’m gonna keep drinking it and hopefully grow to like it, much the same way I’m trying to learning to like the sorry excuse this continent has for mustard. I’m thinking tea is a more realistic goal.